Love Changed Me.

I don't know exactly where this is going to go by the time I'm finished writing it, but I'm thinking about a sharing how love has changed my life in my soon-to-be 17 years of existence on this messed up, broken, desperate for hope, kinda world... I'll be 17 tomorrow, and life has not been easy on me... as true for everyone else. But as for today, I kinda feel "old". I saw my first grade teacher in a Christian bookstore in Kansas, and well, I soon found myself having vivid memories of my life since first grade... and my conclusion is that life has been one heck of a roller coaster.. and I'm at a loss for words, I can't thank God enough for what He's done for me. I guess the best way that I know how to say "thank you" to Him, is living my life for Him to the fullness of my ability... and I fail at doing that at times, but God is always willing to take me back. No matter how crummy I feel. I love Him.


And it's kinda hard for me to believe I'll be 17 tomorrow sometime after 3pm... It's just craziness.. I don't want to grow up... but I'm looking forward to it though... well, a little(: But seeing my first grade teacher from like forever ago, was just, wow. Life came and, well, I'll say it, life really does fly by when you're older than 6.. But no matter how "fast" life flies by, I'm making it my life-long goal to never ever waste my life on things that will perish... I want to live my life in such a way that it impacts lives. Like I'm sure it already has.(:


I don't know how to put this into words, but I'm going to try and am praying it makes sense when it's down and posted.. but to be completely honest, I didn't know if I'd make it to 17.. but I'm almost there. and it's great to be close to it. I've been through hell alot last year, it was very painful and it was one heck of a struggle to get through. But I did. It was never, not for one second, was it ever on my own. I got through it with the help of my absolutely incredible friends and most certainly with the help and undying love of one truly incredible God. Just looking back, I can see the times when I felt completely broken, hurt, angry, lost, stuck in the trap of confusion, and a flood of other emotions. It hurt, and those feelings felt deadly.. literally. It was super tough, and I am one grateful person to say that I got through my pain and "hopelessness" by the help and crazy love of God and my friends, of both whom I love and appreciate in soo many ways.


Even those who didn't say much to me during that time, know that when you did, whether it was something simple, know it made a difference in my life. and although I don't know how to explain how love changed me, I'm hoping it shows through my writings and everything else... God's good.<3