This Little Light Of Mine. (:

It's 4 a.m here and I'm wide awake... I'm definitely going to regret being a night owl in like 3 hours when my 3 and 2 year old cousins decide it's time to knock on my bedroom door and tell me "Katie, It's time to get up!!!" so I'm gonna try and hurry this one up. (:

But no matter how awake or how great I'm feeling, I'm gonna try and make this serious.. because to me, it is. and I pray it is to you too.

It was this past weekend, on Saturday (4.23.2011) me and my mom drove to Ottawa, KS all because I saw Zane's facebook status and I had nothing else planned(And I know I'd probably never find him at Dare 2 Share). So I printed the information out, handed it to my mom, and asked if we could go... Only took two seconds for her to say yes. It was a relief for me, I thought it was going to take longer, and that I'd have to beg or something.. but I didn't have to. (:

Ottawa, KS is an hour drive from Kansas City, Missouri.. It was nice to get out of Missouri... even if it was only for a few hours.. I like traveling, so I enjoyed it. Just wish the sky wasn't so cloudy that night... Because minus the clouds, there are literally stars everywhere. It's beautiful. But Kansas let me down on that, again. -Back to the point- (:

That night when Zane was speaking, he gave those who were there the 48 hour challenge. And the next day my friend texted me and asked if we could give her a ride to church.. (She goes on Easter and Christmas..) and we gave her a ride there and then hung out together for awhile after at my grandparents house.. and I even showed her and my grandparents this video:

We didn't talk about it though and I guess that's because shortly after, we walked across the street to her aunts house. And like normally expected, I felt awkward and out-of-place. Almost everyone in there was smoking, and I wasn't trying to be rude or anything, but I was trying to stand in spots where I was hoping that little to no smoke would get on my clothes.. I thought it worked pretty good though.. It wasn't too noticeable, except when walked back to my grandparents and asked my grandma if I smelled like smoke.. It wasn't too bad, because she said "A little, yeah."

It was a nice time to be sitting out side with a great grandma that I love very much. (:
While we were sitting out there, I wasn't really saying much of what was on my mind.. (that's normal for me though. I'm quiet and tend to keep things to myself.) I was sitting there and I felt bad. Why? Because I had realized I had an open opportunity to share what love really means. And that's only because my friend said something that went like this : "I know how to get _____ to love you. You have to do everything they say." That doesn't sound anything like love.. Sounds like someone being used for what they can do for someone else. It honestly hurt my heart to hear that.. I wasn't shocked by it though.

But I did regret not saying something and possibly turning the conversation to what love really is. (1 Corinthians 13) I realize now that I probably should've taken it up and said something. But I blew it. I failed at the 48 hour challenge.. and I don't want to do the same thing over again. I can't let fear hold me back any more from sharing my faith.

I know that there will be days when I want to give up and it seems to be "too hard" to do.. I know that it's in those times that I need to trust God and not be afraid to face whatever may come. Because I remember the very night I put my full trust and faith in Jesus.. (10/17/2008) I made a promise that I'd follow Him no matter what happens or how tough life gets. I don't know why I made that, maybe because I've seen that type of faith in others.. and I want(ed) it to be my own.. and it is. How do I know that? Because I've been through some really tough things in the last year.. and if it weren't for my faith in God, I wouldn't have made it... I don't know where I'd be without Him or the friends that He blessed me with who helped me tremendously. (you know who you are)

I also know that one day there will be no more pain and we will finally see Jesus' face, (Rev.21:4) So until then, I'm going to try and brave the dark and let my little light shine... I pray that I'm not alone on this either.

Oh by the way, you have 48 hours to go and tell someone (or a few someones..) about Jesus... Starting...NOW! go. Consider yourself challenged. (Come back and share the story on here... I'd like to hear it!)

-Go Light Your World and Live THE Cause!-

Katelyn

My Word For 2011: Focus. (Heb.12:2)

I don't know how to start this (but that seems to be quite normal..) but this month, and well this year has been challenging for me and a little rough..but I guess that through it all, I'm choosing to trust in God because I know that without Him, I'm a miserable train wreck with no direction..

Speaking of 'direction', it was about a week ago when I was sitting outside looking up at the stars and I knew I needed to pray, so that's why I was sitting outside.. and I was out there 10 minutes shy of an hour praying for basically everything that was on my heart to pray about.. and at first I felt a little lame because I didn't know how to start or what to say.. so I just told God that I needed direction.. and He told me He'll guide me, and gave me a bible verse... Proverbs 3:5,6. ("Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.")

I'm not liking that seemingly a lot of this years problems are because of what happened last year.. It doesn't make me happy, but I know that through it all, no matter how bumpy this road of life gets, that God will never leave me nor forsake me.. and that He loves me, and that He's the daddy that'll never let go of me. This year is going better than last year even though it has it's difficulties... I'm just glad it's not a repeat of 2010.(: I don't want anything to be a repeat of last year... that was horrible. But if something bad does happen like last year, I'll get through it.. Because even though life is tough God is still good. (:

"In this world you will have trouble, but take heart! Because I have overcome the world." -John 16:33

There are some lyrics to this song that I really love... and they are :

"It's never really ever crossed my mind

To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times.."

and..

"I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory.."

Ever since last year (starting March 14th for me), life has changed a lot... at times, I love it... and other times.. I just want to know 'why me?, why now?'. The 'Why' question seems to be the one to most often go unanswered... I want to know why, but I dread the answer that I'd possibly get.. and I don't think I'm ready for an answer either.

But all in all, focusing on God isn't exactly easy like I would want it to be.. It's a challenge that I'm not about to give up on just because life can be a pain at times.. and I hope and pray that you don't give up focusing on Him either. I chose the word 'Focus' because of Hebrews 12:2 and from a personal painful experience. (2010) It took me quite a while to finally figure out that what happened last year and the year before, wasn't my fault at all. I never want to carry blame that simply isn't mine to bear... I want to let it go and let God handle it.. And what got me through wasn't myself, or my "strength".. It was God and His strength. and some pretty helpful friends.. (:

I think the moment I realized it wasn't my fault, was when I faced the pain, the anger, and the hurt that I held in towards someone that should be there but never has been.. I didn't like facing it, and I didn't want to because I was aware it was going to hurt me a ton.. but I guess I placed my wants aside and focused on what I truly needed to make life better and not let the past hold me back from my future that God has planned for me.. I placed my focus on God and allowed Him to heal me. Because I knew that holding it in wasn't going to help me, it was only hurting me and robbing me of everything that God had planned for my life..

My puny human teenage mind doesn't grasp why things are the way that they are, and I don't know why God would even allow certain things to happen to those who really love Him.. but I believe that Romans 8:28 is true, and that God does work for the good of those who love Him... I just gotta remember that He doesn't do things my way.. (Isaiah 55:8) and that He really does know what He's doing and I don't want to let myself to get in the way of that.. God promises in Jeremiah 29:11, that He knows the plans He has for us and that they are to give us hope and future and they're not intended to do us harm.. He loves us and He wants to give us good things. (Matthew 7:11)

I know that this life isn't an easy road to be on, and that for certain things, we can't just "get over it" like some would boldly say to one struggling.. and I guess by "get over it", this world means to bottle it up, party hard, and just don't face it and deal with the pain properly.. this world's view makes me sad.. Like for us to be "worth" anything, we have to be practically anorexic, wear clothes that look like they belong on a dog because they're so tiny.. and that we have to ditch what should or does matter and conform to the patterns of this world.. sorry world, but I'm opting out on what you say.. 'Sides, you have nothing to offer me, you'll just leave me high and dry like a desert.. I'm not buying into your pretty boxed lies and your appealing ribbons that you place on them.. Sorry, wait, I take that back.. I'm not sorry.. (:

For me to fit in would cost me too much... I'm not kicking my morals to the curb for this world. I know who I am, and my identity is found in Christ and Him alone.. it cannot be taken from me(:

(If your curiosity kicked in on wondering what happened last year... click here to read about it )

I feel like I've just been ranting.. but that's okay. (: It's 1:40a.m. Guess that means I should probably put a legit attempt on going to bed.. (:

I love Jesus (:

- Kate.