Wednesday, April 13, 2011

My Word For 2011: Focus. (Heb.12:2)

I don't know how to start this (but that seems to be quite normal..) but this month, and well this year has been challenging for me and a little rough..but I guess that through it all, I'm choosing to trust in God because I know that without Him, I'm a miserable train wreck with no direction..

Speaking of 'direction', it was about a week ago when I was sitting outside looking up at the stars and I knew I needed to pray, so that's why I was sitting outside.. and I was out there 10 minutes shy of an hour praying for basically everything that was on my heart to pray about.. and at first I felt a little lame because I didn't know how to start or what to say.. so I just told God that I needed direction.. and He told me He'll guide me, and gave me a bible verse... Proverbs 3:5,6. ("Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.")

I'm not liking that seemingly a lot of this years problems are because of what happened last year.. It doesn't make me happy, but I know that through it all, no matter how bumpy this road of life gets, that God will never leave me nor forsake me.. and that He loves me, and that He's the daddy that'll never let go of me. This year is going better than last year even though it has it's difficulties... I'm just glad it's not a repeat of 2010.(: I don't want anything to be a repeat of last year... that was horrible. But if something bad does happen like last year, I'll get through it.. Because even though life is tough God is still good. (:

"In this world you will have trouble, but take heart! Because I have overcome the world." -John 16:33

There are some lyrics to this song that I really love... and they are :

"It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
.."


and..

"I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
.."


Ever since last year (starting March 14th for me), life has changed a lot... at times, I love it... and other times.. I just want to know 'why me?, why now?'. The 'Why' question seems to be the one to most often go unanswered... I want to know why, but I dread the answer that I'd possibly get.. and I don't think I'm ready for an answer either.

But all in all, focusing on God isn't exactly easy like I would want it to be.. It's a challenge that I'm not about to give up on just because life can be a pain at times.. and I hope and pray that you don't give up focusing on Him either. I chose the word 'Focus' because of Hebrews 12:2 and from a personal painful experience. (2010) It took me quite a while to finally figure out that what happened last year and the year before, wasn't my fault at all. I never want to carry blame that simply isn't mine to bear... I want to let it go and let God handle it.. And what got me through wasn't myself, or my "strength".. It was God and His strength. and some pretty helpful friends.. (:

I think the moment I realized it wasn't my fault, was when I faced the pain, the anger, and the hurt that I held in towards someone that should be there but never has been.. I didn't like facing it, and I didn't want to because I was aware it was going to hurt me a ton.. but I guess I placed my wants aside and focused on what I truly needed to make life better and not let the past hold me back from my future that God has planned for me.. I placed my focus on God and allowed Him to heal me. Because I knew that holding it in wasn't going to help me, it was only hurting me and robbing me of everything that God had planned for my life..

My puny human teenage mind doesn't grasp why things are the way that they are, and I don't know why God would even allow certain things to happen to those who really love Him.. but I believe that Romans 8:28 is true, and that God does work for the good of those who love Him... I just gotta remember that He doesn't do things my way.. (Isaiah 55:8) and that He really does know what He's doing and I don't want to let myself to get in the way of that.. God promises in Jeremiah 29:11, that He knows the plans He has for us and that they are to give us hope and future and they're not intended to do us harm.. He loves us and He wants to give us good things. (Matthew 7:11)

I know that this life isn't an easy road to be on, and that for certain things, we can't just "get over it" like some would boldly say to one struggling.. and I guess by "get over it", this world means to bottle it up, party hard, and just don't face it and deal with the pain properly.. this world's view makes me sad.. Like for us to be "worth" anything, we have to be practically anorexic, wear clothes that look like they belong on a dog because they're so tiny.. and that we have to ditch what should or does matter and conform to the patterns of this world.. sorry world, but I'm opting out on what you say.. 'Sides, you have nothing to offer me, you'll just leave me high and dry like a desert.. I'm not buying into your pretty boxed lies and your appealing ribbons that you place on them.. Sorry, wait, I take that back.. I'm not sorry.. (:

For me to fit in would cost me too much... I'm not kicking my morals to the curb for this world. I know who I am, and my identity is found in Christ and Him alone.. it cannot be taken from me(:

(If your curiosity kicked in on wondering what happened last year... click here to read about it )

I feel like I've just been ranting.. but that's okay. (: It's 1:40a.m. Guess that means I should probably put a legit attempt on going to bed.. (:

I love Jesus (:

- Kate.

2 comments:

  1. What song is it that says, "I must go through the valleys to stand before the mountain of God..."? It's true. You are already a stronger Christian and stronger person as a result of what's happened to you. Your commitment to keep focus will help that growth continue and will turn this negative chain of events into perhaps the most positive definition of your character for the future. Keep your head up and your hands folded!

    - Heather

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  2. thanks Heather (:

    and the song is Mountain Of God by Third Day (:

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