Hangin' On

This song just reminds of exactly what I've been doing for a really long time... And hanging on was hard for me, especially after Dare 2 Share in Lincoln, NE. I really don't think I need to share that story.... again. In fact, I don't even want this writing thing of mine to even be about me, I want it to do it's job -whatever that may be- and encourage you in your hard times that life throws at you.

I don't want this one to be like the last thing I wrote, although, it kind of will be in a sense, but entirely, I don't think it will be. But we shall see what God chooses to do with it. Shall be interesting.

The first time I saw the title of this song Hanging On by Britt Nicole, I wasn't expecting it to actually be as good as it was when I clicked play. When I heard it, it made me smile and think about what I've been put through, and how I chose to respond to all of it... (it all happened in the period of one month.. so it was alot for one teen to take in and pretty hard to handle and practically at the end of my sophmore year of high school)

And through all of the pain, and me struggling with alot of things, -attempting to balance school life and home life, was pretty much impossible for me to do and made things atleast ten times harder than need be- I knew God was always there with me... it didn't matter whether I felt it or not. It's not based on these emotions of mine.

you see my anxious heart
you see what i am feeling
and when i fall apart
you are there to hold me
how great your love for me
now i see what You're thinking
You say i'm beautiful
Your voice is my healing
Without You I just can't get by

hanging on to every word You speak
'cause it's all that i need
hanging on to every word You say
to light up my way
even every little whisper i'm
hanging on as if it were my life
i'm hanging on


I really wasn't planning on telling any of my life stories in this one, but it looks like I will. See, the "friend" I had come to dare 2 share with me, well she used me
-side note: I'm not trying to put anyone down, so don't take this like I am.- and she stayed there in Lincoln with a friend of hers for like a week... According to her I did or said something that made her mad at me and whenever I tried to talk to her, she yelled at me and absolutly refused to tell me what I did... I messaged her on facebook about a week ago, and this is what I said: (word for word)

I'm aware that we haven't talked since Dare 2 Share in Lincoln a few months ago... and I know you're probably really moody right now, and maybe this isn't the best time to send this to you, but I'm absolutly sick 'n tired of what happened that weekend being played in my mind like a voice recorder, so I have got to do something about it... and I'm praying you'll help me out here.

You have to hear me out on this, I do forgive you for what happened... I don't know what I did or didn't do or whatever, but I'm really sorry for whatever it may have been. I know our friendship isn't at it's best right now... -we haven't talked since the conference...- and I'm 100% committed to fixing whatever may be wedged between our friendship.

I know I'm not perfect, and (alot of) things need to be improved...

I know I've told you "I'm sorry" and that I've truly forgiven you, and I mean it with every bone in my body... I'll say it again, I'm sorry, I do love you, and I've forgiven you... and I've been praying for you and so have my family. I know some act like they don't like you, but they don't know what an amazing girl you are and can become if you set your mind to it.

If you want to be friends again, fantastic. If not, well, that's fine too... but the least you could do, is forgive me for whatever I may have done that may have caused you pain...

I'm not perfect, I fail. I make promises I can't keep, I say things I don't mean and my words have hurt some people, I do/have done things I'm not proud of, I hold onto my pride and more often than not, do not truly forgive people, I've failed so many times, I don't show love at all times, I'm not a good listener, I suck at school, I've been through "hell", I've thought bad things and some of those thoughts have become words or actions, I regret things I've said/done/didn't do....etc Simply put, I fail... a lot.

If you honestly forgive me, that's great!

This bold move on my part is scaring me a little, I'm not trying to make you mad at me or whatever, I just want to get this off of my mind... and to also let you know that I'm sorry, I love you and will you forgive me?


Lovee,
Katelyn

and this is all she said back: (word for word)

dont care any more our friend ship iz OVER so dont talk to me or message me any more

Just clicking on that message again, and copying and pasting all that was said between us in that message, almost made me cry... The morning (2:20 a.m) I read it, I cried, I felt like she just stabbed me in the heart with her words. It was hard to handle, but I got through it and still am... it still hurts me.

What if, what if I told you that if you're facing something difficult right now, that you can get through it? Well, you can... I have!

and when the darkness falls
i can't see what's before me
Your voice is like the dawn
always there to guide me

without you i just can't get by
so i'm

hanging on to every word You speak
'cause it's all that i need

Whenever your going through something difficult, God is right there by your side through it. If God takes you to the mountains, He'll go with you through the valleys. You will never have to go through anything alone.

What/Who are you going to hang on to? Your emotions and trust them? OR are you going to trust an unknown future to a known God? It's up to you. Be wise, don't trust in yourself, it will only lead you down a road filled with tears, loss, pain, and alot of disappointment. Choose number two... God will never let you down... He'll be the very one carrying you down that road that you're on and don't know where else to go... but I'm praying that you know who you're trusting in. Trust in Him. He won't fail you.

"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you" Hebrews 13:5

3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up” Proverbs 12:25

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).

“Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God” (Psalm 42:5).

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil."

“…the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:26-28).

“And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19).

“I can do everything through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13).

“…put your hope in the LORD both now and forevermore.” (Psalm 131:1)


- Katelyn