I'll be honest, because on here, it feels like I have to... and it's my choice to be honest. because I don't want to be fake. Ever. I just want to be real about my faith, my life, my weaknesses, my strengths... etc.
Ever since the start of this year, when I stopped going to Staley High School, and started in the ACE Learning Centers program thing, it's been tough figuring out what God wants me to do. I know it's pretty amazing, whatever it is. I just wish I knew what it was. Maybe it's something with writing and that book that I want to put together sometime soon? Or maybe it's something else? Cause I know that writing is what I love to do... That's how I vent alot of the times. It's not always on my blog or facebook or twitter, but venting it out helps. Tons. (I learned that in August of 2010... Long story.)
What makes it hard for me, is that at the High School, I had started a Campus Ministry, and I know they said I could still lead it, it's just that leading it when I don't go there anymore, doesn't feel right. I'd feel like I'm trying to force Jesus onto people... and I don't want to do that. So far, no CM meetings have happened since January 1st, 2011. Does it break my heart? Yeah. But I don't care about the campus ministry, (Of course it's great, and I think it's needed that there's a place that Christians can go to to grow in their faith and hang out with other Christians...) but what I care about is those other teenagers there who don't know Jesus.. it hurts thinking about it. I wish I still went there. but now, I wouldn't change anything to go back. (it's a long story, that I'll pass on sharing.)
But before I left there and started in the ACE thing, someone didn't clearly explain that it wasn't going to be there.... call me crazy, but it's true. and it's quite frustrating. And to all the unclarity that I was getting, I had asked my grandpa to order Gospel Journey Maui from Dare 2 Share Ministries, but then I soon found out the truth... I was about to just cry. It hurt... I want to continue leading it, but now, it doesn't seem like that's where God wants me.. It's stressful and frustrating that I now have soo much time on my hands, (literally), and that all my friends there at Staley are getting the heck stressed out of 'em... It's frustrating, but I don't want to mess up their education... I want them to do good and graduate like they should. I don't want to force them into coming to CM meetings on Thursdays after school, when they have a crap load of homework to do from practically every single teacher that they have. I'm just not going to force them to come. It's not about the meetings, and I don't want it to be... and it's not.
Even though I'm not leading it, SHS isn't hopeless... There are Christians there that love Jesus.. and I pray that as small and uncool as they feel, they'll reach out with the message and mission of Jesus to a lost a dying world. and I know for sure that one of them (you know who you are :) ) is going to Dare 2 Share's UN.Tour in Lincoln, Nebraska February 25th - 26th... :) It may only be one, but one can make an impact on this world. :)
And about Gospel Journey Maui, I don't know what to do with it.! Seriously, I have it still. Well, it's in my moms car in the backseat... (probably supper frozen. thanks to crappy Kansas City weather that needs to end. Just give me spring already!) I offered to give it to my youth group, but I'm feeling pushed aside about it. I love them to death, and I know that GJM could well, do something awesome to my youth group. I wish they'd take it :)
that's just me and my rant... again. :) Maybe it blessed you in some sort of way. :)
P.S
You may not change the entire world, but you can change your own♥
- Katelyn. :)
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